I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
