look no pants
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
