It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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