he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
