you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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