Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
