You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
