Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well you can't waste a boner
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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