I wish I could teleport
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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