That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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