you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
