College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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