I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I AM VODKA MAN
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
