so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So much rum. So many feels.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
