So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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