Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
