Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
