I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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