Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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