Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
