Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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