Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize