Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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