Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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