I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
