Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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