Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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