I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
