tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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