I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
