Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
