They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
