I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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