I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
