Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
