Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
