ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
