Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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