I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
