Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
