Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
