well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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