I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
