I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
