Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
