I think my fart just growled at me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
