if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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