Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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