You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
