normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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