Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
