road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
