The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
