so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize