She is in my trunk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
