Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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