i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
