Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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