We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
