once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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