Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
