Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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