just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
