i don't like sucking hair
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dignity is for republicans.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
