Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
