Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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