I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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