My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
