you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
