Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
