She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
