You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
